before i wake
by Angela Nguyen
Summary: Because you miss her, and that's what you do: You long for things you think you have got in your hands, but then lose, things you just couldn't have.


_before i wake_

~Oneshot~

-Disclaimer: For the thousandth time, no, I don't freakin' own it. Not that delusional.

-Rating: K+

-Genre(s): Angst, Tragedy.

-Pairing(s): RenxJeanne

-Summary: Because you miss her, and that's what you do: You long for things that you think you have got in your hands, but then lose; things you just couldn't have.

A/N: My first shot at second narrator.

* * *

She is sobbing. You look at her, confused, because she never sobs. She only cries. Silent, elegant tears rolling down her pale, soft cheeks that have your fingers itching to touch her, to wipe them away.

But there she is, in the white of the snow, her head bowed and arms wrapping around herself, sobbing her heart out. With the small, yet haunting sounds, she tugs at your heartstrings, making you want to run, throw away all your rules, and just hold her.

You want to do that, you do. But you can't move. The body that you have spent all your life training, that you take so much pride in, doesn't seem to obey you. You can't see her face, and that scares you so much. You wish she would just look up. Maybe if you see her eyes, you would be able to function yourself again.

But you just stand there, mute and paralyzed, and she wouldn't look up. And your tears freeze on your eyelids because you feel like you are l-, l-,...

x

Your eyes snap open, and you see her, asleep beside you. You feel lucky that your panting breaths didn't wake her up. Your fingers find their way into her hair, stroking lightly.

"Don't leave me."

You feel lucky that she is asleep, because you wouldn't want her to hear you say that.

You slip out of bed, quietly, and see snow falling outside the window. You want to wake her up; she has always loved snow, but something tells you not to.

She's probably still tired.

x

You sit at the dining table after dinner, one hand holding a cold bottle of milk, the other putting loosely on the table. She reaches out and holds your free hand, circling random patterns on it with her thumb. She is watching the snow, or so you think because she isn't looking at you, her long, thick hair is the only thing you can see. Still you can imagine a small but joyful smile forming on her face, because she loves snow almost childishly like that.

x

The dream doesn't leave you, and you wake up with your eyes slightly wet, her desperate sobs still ringing in our ears.

But she is here. Still here, asleep, her back to you. You scoot closer, wrapping your arms around her from behind. She sighs into your embrace, but doesn't turn around.

You close your eyes and let out a long sigh. This way you wouldn't feel like you are l-, l-,...

x

You step into the thick layer of snow in front of the house, clutching the coat tighter around your torso. You are too familiar with the cold, and you have been trained to put up with the harshest of weathers, yet you still feel cold somehow.

It scares you a little because you feel like you are in that dream; everything is white and snow is falling, but there's no sound, no trace of her petite body shaking and looking smaller and more helpless than ever. It's like oblivion.

You take a step towards the other side of the mountain. Two. Three. Four.

You lose count.

You reach the prominent, brownish ground, that isn't covered too much by snow, the snow lingering on the slim, white marble beside it tracing her name.

You open your eyes, and face the reality.

x

You take the little boy, your son, from your sister, who has swollen eyes, maybe because of too much crying. You look at the boy's eyes, her color but still so much like yours. You realize how much you crave to see those eyes again, just once.

x

You still can't move, but she is coming to you. She puts her head on your chest, arms around you. You think _ no, hope _ that you would be able to breathe again, because she is looking you in the eyes. But as she vanishes from your embrace, you know that you have lost her. That you have lost the light.

_End_

* * *

A/N: It's VERY short, and weird, and confusing. That's what the gloomy weather does to an already gloomy soul. :)

PLEASE review nonetheless. Thank you for reading.


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